The "In Between"

With graduation around the corner for many college seniors I want to share a little bit about that weird "in between" season that no-one likes to talk about or at very least didn't talk to me about.

Last Spring I walked across the stage at Mary Hardin-Baylor on a beautiful May evening I smiled, flirted with the camera, and waved to a stadium full of faces. Little did I know that one of the sweetest Summers to come would also be a Summer that I would grapple with.

The "in between" is what I like to call that time frame where you have a degree and are "done, done" with school. You have work experience because you've been toiling and getting after it. You have connections because you know "some people," that know "some" people... However, you haven't secured a job. It's that 2+ hours looking through potential jobs, figuring out which resume is the most suitable to submit, and re-smithing that cover letter for the hundredth time to let your potential future employer, you are the best fit. It's exhausting, it's draining, it's full of rejection, and if you're me it was a heavy hand of rejection served with a side of extra rejection, which in turn caused me to doubt how "good enough," and prepared I really was...

I'm going to be honest, I didn't think I was ever going to graduate from college, I thought somewhere finances would get in the way and I would have to "take some time off..." (that's a whole other story) so I never took those prep courses that my university offered but a lot of students don't. I'm not saying they work, I'm not saying they don't work, I'm just saying somewhere along the way I remember thinking "maybe if I would have taken "that" class I wouldn't be here right now..." I remember March, sitting in my capstone/ senior thesis class with my peers and seeing how a lot of them had internships/ were applying for internships that were helping lead them into a career. There was so much talk and excitement everywhere, I would just sit and smile while internally praying "Please God, don't let me down.."

I remember early April, this feeling of "Did I get a useless degree? Too broad, not specific enough that it won't help me?" "I should have majored in education or nursing, they have job security..." "what if I never find a job and end up like those people with degrees working at entry level positions..."

I remember end of April, wrestling with so much inadequacy, simply because I was going to graduate at the top of my class yet I knew the real world didn't really care if I was Summa Cum Laude.

I remember one my classmates who is great but just barely got by in classes landing a 60k job almost effortlessly. I was so happy for him, yet filled with so much self-righteousness (if I'm being honest) because "I worked hard, I've worked really hard..."

I remember mid-July, coming back from all my summer trips and buckling down and starting the application process and my family saying things like "well nobody wants someone who is just always trying to go out and travel all the time.." "how are you going to find a job if you're too busy on vacation..." "you spent too much time out vacationing, you should have been looking for a job." I know they meant well, but those words hurt so much.

I remember email after email, "thank you for your interest in such-in-such position but we have decided..." (THEY DECIDED NOT ME)

I remember the feeling of not even getting called in for an initial interview and telling myself "If I could just get an interview, I could show them I can do this.."

I specifically remember early August applying for a position out of district and going in to talk with their HR/ adim. The lady looked at me and asked if I was applying for a custodial position... (thank you, my low self-esteem got an extra kick in the stomach) I could only smile, shake my head, and shyly say "no, ma'am." while thinking "maybe God is trying to see my faithfulness.." luckily for me, my mom's friend who happened to be there too shouted out "No! she has a degree..." she looked at me and spoke life over me, when in all honestly i just wanted to cry.

I remember mid August when my moral was at an all time low sitting at the kitchen table sobbing telling my mom I was sorry because I felt like I let her down.

I felt so defeated.

I remember that same week falling to my knees on the bench at the kitchen table and having another sob session, this time all alone because I was rejected by two jobs that seemed like a "perfect fit." all within a twenty-four hour period. I cried out to the Lord asking him why he had brought me this far, why did he let me make it if this was my end... He responded with a gentle "trust me, have I ever let you down?" I got up and wiped my tears.

5 Things I Learned During the "In between":

1. you are NOT alone.

A lot of other peers more than would like to admit are scrambling for jobs post graduation. Trying to figure out if they'll settle and work their way up or go-ahead just apply for Masters because they can't find a job. After I semi- talked about my experience more and more people would say "me too..." There is comfort in numbers. It wasn't until i got a job that I realized that I wasn't the only one struggling to find my way, although no one talks about it a lot- you are not alone.

2. Be ready to rework your plan.

Unless you're one of the few people that has all things figured out and squared away you will have to revisit the "what do I really want to do.." I went back in forth from corporate to school, school to corporate job... back to school. Know it's okay. At the end of the day it's better to have a lower paying job where you feel comfortable and know you make a difference than one that may pay better, but you don't wake up and enjoy doing. But if you're fortunate maybe you'll get both ;)

3. Have a mantra.

Every day I would wake up during the spring and summer and in the lows (which got pretty low) I would repeat to myself a little mantra that would help me, nothing fancy just some life to speak over myself.

I am strong

I am brilliant.

I will succeed.

I will do well.

I will not fail.

4. surround yourself with people who believe and speak life into you.

I am fortunate enough to have a loving and caring family that sat with me and let me cry then reminded me of Gods goodness. I am fortunate enough to have had friends/bosses that were ready to write recommendation letters and hug me. Find those people, find that person that can look you in the eye during the "in between" and kindly remind you to get up off your ass and keep going.

5. Don't settle.

A week before I landed my current position that I love btw I had settled and taken an offer that was NOTHING what I wanted but seemed to be the only place that was going to take me.. My mom was not content and she told me "Carito, God is faithful keep looking..." Y'all God showed up and he showed out. Regardless where you may find yourself in May and the months to come, whether thats looking or not, know that nothing can take away all the dedication and effort it took to earn that degree. Keep your head up and know if you made it this far, there is enough resolve in you to keep at it and succeed. Own your story, be proud, and walk with confidence.

With love, Caro.