Carnivals & Fairy Tales

I never thought that as an adult I would go to a carnival with my parents, ride as many rides as I could, laugh and remember faint memories that baby Caro vaguely associates (mostly through pictures) as highlights of her childhood.

Yet, this past weekend that is exactly what happened. I'm still smiling, because God is gracious, he is a God of second opportunities, he is a God of redemption, and he is a God full of forgiveness and grace.

My dad lives in Mexico, he was deported last fall after serving ten years in prison. I'll never forget the night we went to meet him at the border after his deportation and the joy of seeing him walk as a free man. It was bitter-sweet, but as he left that night into the darkness of a country gripped with lots of chaos, it felt more like a "visitation." Once again he left in one direction, while we left in another...

We got into Mexico on Friday and showed my brother-in-law around the city. Saturday rolled around and after a very lazy morning, my dad came over to see us. It was so weird honestly because there was a lot of small talk. However through it all I saw just how my dad is a fighter- he was full of life, he was hopeful, he had his own truck, and looking better than ever. (minus his hair..) He took me to the OXXO (if you know, you know. [basically a 7eleven]) and bought me a bunch of snacks. We sat and talked about nothing and everything. When dinner rolled around, he joined us. He was with us, but he still felt distant. Afterward I suggested we go to the park and he came too. The park we went to Fundidora isn't your regular smegular park lol it's big and filled with things to do and see. While walking we caught a glimpse of a carnival that had come to the city. It was one of those moments in life you realize that you're not really an adult, because we asked our mom and dad if we could go LMAOO. I'm pretty sure they rolled their eyes but said "sure." We walked in and instantly I felt like a kid again... I wanted to ride all the rides with Jackie and I wanted my parents to watch me.. Spin after spin I would wave every time I could and eagerly searched for them in a crowd to see if they were watching. The child in me was in full mode, growing up we matured too fast and spent our early years in survival mode- unable to fully enjoy the "good." From the ferris wheel to terrible spin rides that in no way are safe, to mechanical bull rides, we laughed, we laughed so hard, and I smiled so big. It was like a Cinderella story, my Cinderella story: for one night I got my wish of having my parents together doing "normal family" things. As the night ended I saw the look in my dad's eyes, filled with joy yet the look of remorse ever so present... there was no need to remind him of the past, he knew what he had given up and every day it's a choice he has to live with. We took pictures with him and he hugged us as the night ended and "reality" set back in. This round it didn't leave that "visitation" linger, it had more of a "visit" sensation coupled with "I'll see you soon-goodbye."

I will forever cherish that night for so many reasons...

That night does not mean we made up for lost time, it does not mean it erases all the years he was not in my life, but it does mean that it's never too late to start over. It means that while we cannot change the past, in this moment we can begin to change and shift the future by what we do, or choose to not do. God is good friends, in more ways that I can begin to comprehend, He is MY good father, he has been my comforter in the loneliest of days, and for every let down and upset He has never left or forsaken me.

Maybe you were brought up with a real A1 dad, PRAISE GOD. Cherish him and know how blessed you are, because we really are a fatherless generation, but maybe your story is like mine filled with good and bad and everything in between... my prayer is that we would draw into His love and watch how he really does work ALL things for the good of those that are called according to His purpose.

With love always,

Caro